Teaching Emotional Regulation at Every Age: Why It Starts with Us

Emotional regulation—the ability to understand, express, and manage emotions in healthy ways—isn’t something we’re born knowing. It’s a learned skill, and often, in African American families, it’s one we’re not taught explicitly. Many of us were raised with “what happens in this house, stays in this house,” or told to “suck it up” instead of processing pain. But the truth is, teaching emotional regulation at every age is one of the most powerful tools we can offer ourselves, our siblings, our children, and our communities.
For toddlers, it looks like helping them name their feelings. “You’re mad because your toy broke.” Language gives children power. For teens, it’s about helping them feel safe enough to express themselves without judgment—creating space where they can feel seen, even when they’re misunderstood.

And for adults? It means unlearning old habits and developing new ones: pausing before reacting, setting boundaries, journaling, meditating, praying, going to therapy, or simply taking a walk to reset.
As college students and young adults, we’re in a unique position. We are often healing from how we were raised while simultaneously learning how to do better—for ourselves and the generations to come. Emotional regulation isn’t just about keeping your cool. It’s about learning how to feel and function without shame or suppression. It’s about being able to disagree without disrespect. It's how we protect our peace and stay grounded in a world that can feel heavy.
In the words of Audre Lorde, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” Teaching emotional regulation at every age begins with us choosing to show up differently—soft when the world expects us to be hard, and strong in ways that don’t require us to suffer in silence.
Healing is a family affair—and it starts with awareness.